Throughout the entirety of my life, I have always relied on those around me. Every single friend of mine has helped me at some point through wisdom or act of kindness. Though, ironically, through my own unchecked mental illness, losing those I called the closest made me transform into something beautiful.
Starting a website is a lot like learning to ride a bike, but I never did learn to ride a bike... Motor coordination issues suck >:(
AND I NEVER EVEN GOT OVER THE FEAR OF FALLING OVER WHEN SKATEBOARDING AAAAAAAAAAAA
Starting a best friendship in 2017 that then becomes an unhealthy unrequited BPD love-mess after COVID is also a lot like riding a bike! Except, unlike physical wear and tear, the bike decides she's had rightfully suffered enough emotional abuse and disappears alongside the basket you mounted on top...
While writing the cool people page, I thought about everyone, even those who couldn't take me anymore. And you know what? I genuinely love some of myself now, and I'm in a much better place mentally than I ever have been. I'm sure HRT is also helping a lot, but being forced into so many new situations and new friend groups has permanently changed me for the better. I have ideals, morals, goals, and an actual purpose, things I had always lacked. I know how to handle obsession, and I'm fucking proud of myself for overcoming my demons and reconciling with myself that I'm okay, I'm a person, and I should do my best to protect and love my friends.
Loss is just another beginning. Loss is inherently life. After playing Omori and P3R + watching Mob Psycho, I finally found some of the answers I've been searching for for so long. I learned to forgive them. I learned to forgive myself. And perhaps, I think that might be the greatest gift I've ever received from someone. If you two ever read this, thank you.
Oh, and P.S., you were right. also i've been playing this holocure save the fans game on steam and it's pretty fun lol
7/18/2024.